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Monday, April 25, 2011

How Can We Save Our Children????

We all have a different view of what is best for our kids. Some think independence is the key. Some think 'micromanaging' is what's best. There's no one solution that will work for every parent, and most importantly child.

This post is not meant to be directed toward one culture/ethnicity, but being of an ethnic background and observing it consistently, I can only speak on what I know.

Raise your OWN damn kids. Your mama shouldn't raise 'em. Your grandmama shouldn't raise 'em. Your oldest child should not raise their siblings. Your auntie shouldn't raise 'em. Your godmama shouldn't raise 'em. Of course there is a flip side to these comments. I certainly do not want to knock any mother who had a child, while young or grown, and needed support, as long as she DID most of the child-rearing with her fam and friends as SUPPORT. If you are leaving your kids to go to the club every chance you get, sitting around someone else's house allowing your kids to run rampant in someone else's home, doing nothing to maintain or elevate yourself, abusing substances, in and out of get my point, this is for you.

I find it to be the most extreme act of selfishness to burden a so-called loved one with your child. They most likely have raised their own children, and probably the next generation of children. How can a parent feel this is OK? They've done their time. This is their time to enjoy their grandchildren as a grandparent only can- visit, spoil 'em, and send 'em back. Some grandparents are not able to be grandparents. They are the mother and grandmother and father and grandfather. But the latter is not visible to most. All we see is this man and/or woman raising their grandchild. These men and women have worked hard all their lives to get to a place they can now selfishly enjoy what they want, when they want. A time much deserved. Then to snatch a lifetime of hard work and future enjoyment right from under them, with no qualms, I might add, is repulsive.

I call it a sense of entitlement. I'm not sure how it's developed or why, but these young men and women of today, feel entitled to everything you got! And that's all good, but feel entitled to something YOU worked towards. Like I am entitled to have feelings about someone stealing from me. I worked hard for what I have earned and no one has the right to take a thing from me (except the US government, so I've been told). A grandparent is entitled to having feelings about her child or grandchild infringing on her future. He/She has worked hard to get to that point and is entitled to enjoy the fruits of his/her labor. What are you bringing to the table? A baby? No job? No education? No initiative? No respect? No appreciation? No plan? You got nothing.

Step up, regardless of your circumstances!!!! Do right by your child. Mother or father your child like that's the only child you will ever be able to have. Nurture your children. TV can't do it for you. Teach your children respect and manners. Keep a child in a child's place. As my mama used to say, "Stay out of grown folks business." These children are exposed to too many adult conversations and adult problems. The things I hear some kids repeat is shameful. But a lot of people think it's funny or 'cute'. Whateva, man. It shows, no it proves, you are NOT doing your job as a parent. It shows you are allowing others to indirectly and directly raise your children.

Set boundaries for yourself. Determine what you will and will not accept in your and your children's lives. Not every relationship is good for you and/or your children. There may be some serious ties you may have to break in order to push forward. It may your be your child's father/mother, it may your own mother/father. It will not be easy, but something MUST be done.

Take the time to nurture your child. Read to and with them. Check their homework EVERY night, and if you don't understand it- GOOGLE IT! There is a tutorial for everything. Get them involved. I am a firm believer in keeping your children involved in some sort of activity to keep them off the streets or minimize contact with unsavory characters. I know, I know, money is an issue. But this is the time you step up as a parent and S.A.C.R.I.F.I.C.E. Look for free services and I mean LOOK, cause they are out there! Nothing is going to come to you, GO GET IT! Especially when it comes to your children.

And nothing may come free, so....DISCONNECT THE CABLE, SACRIFICE THE NAILS AND DO 'EM YOURSELF, LEARN HOW TO DO YOUR OWN HAIR, and you DO NOT NEED NAME BRAND EVERYTHING! Stop living beyond your means and live within them. You can still have the best if you learn to budget and stop being so excessive. Always want to do AT LEAST one step better for your children than your parents did for you.

And please, don't forget to express appreciation to every person that has helped and supported you.


  1. I would like to be the first to comment by saying I am S.A.C.R.A.F.I.C.I.N.G right now by working an exta two days a week to put my oldest child (teenage boy) through a private/catholic highschool. Yes I have to do what I have to do in order to provide my child the best education in NYC and learn morals & brotherhood at the same time. There is too many gangs going on in highschools these days that I do not want my child to be a part of. Also I had two of my children while still in cottage. I was away from my family living in Virginia. I managed to bust my ass by workign full time and finishing up school to obtain my bachelors degree. I was living with my children's father at the time, but to be releastic I was a single parent. And by the way I was 19 when I had my first child and 21 when I had my second. So for all those young mothers out there that say it can't be done. YES IT CAN!I will be less than 50 years by the time my boys leave for college, and I will have the prime of my life enjoying with my husband.

  2. Thanks for your comment and SUPPORT Mz. James! Put the knowledge on 'em! I know you got a story to tell and inspire other girls/women who have not been thru a 1/4 of what you have been thru. DO what u gotta do, represent your boys, DMaxx, your husband and everything that is a part of u.